Kaylee and SG1
Prompt: Jane Austen
Sam was surprised to find she really meant it when she laughed that time.
“That was really rather funny, Sir.”
“One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty,” quoted Daniel, a small smirk on his face.
“Really, Daniel,” Jack said with a shake of his head. “Austen? Twain had the right of it.
‘Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.’”
Sam look between them in surprise and Teal’c in confusion.
“What is this Austen and Twain?” Teal’c asked.
“Authors of Earth literature. I’ll see if I can’t find you some examples on Project Guttenberg,” Sam promised.
“This is incredible. The architecture looks Minoan, but the writing is …”
“Eh,” Jack said, cutting Daniel off before he could get into full ramble. “Kaylee, watch the geek while Teal’c and I secure the area. Carter, find that energy source.” He turned to leave the temple with Teal’c behind him, but turned at the doorway. “And no touching anything.”
Just as he said that, Daniel tripped, his hand heading towards a spot on the wall with, to Kaylee at least, a rather noticeable protrusion. A quick flick of her hand caught Daniel with the Force and set him back in his feet. Kaylee then walked over and made a quick observation of the spot.
“Oh for crying out loud,” Jack snapped.
“Looks like some kind of trigger. Best watch for more,” Kaylee commented, steering Daniel to a clear section of wall with lots of writing to keep the archeologist distracted.
“Good save, Kaylee,” Jack said and turned back to the door.
“What did you ever do without me?” she said with a shake of her head.
“Die a lot more,” Sam said with a laugh as she set up her equipment, carefully watching for loose floor tiles.
“All in all your just a-nother link in the chain,” chortled Jack, completely off key.
“Please stop singing, Sir,” Sam begged.
“Just trying to encourage Kaylee to magic herself out of these chains,” he replied jovially.
“Why don’t you think of your own way out,” Kaylee snapped. “For the nineteenth time, I can’t magic my way out of these chains. Someone included naquada in the mix and it’s blocking any lock manipulating I could do.”
“Can’t you just teleport yourself out of them?” Daniel asked.
“If I port, I’ll take the chains with me,” Kaylee replied with a shake of her head.
“Would that not bring us along as well, Sesquelearus?” Teal’c pointed out. Everyone’s eyes lit up. They were not looking forward to the slave market in the next town.
“And every other slave on the chain,” Kaylee said uncertainly.
“Can you handle all forty,” Jack hissed.
“I’ll probably pass out.”
“As long as you’ve get that spare GDO out of wherever you hide it first, I will carry you to the infirmary myself,” Jack assured her.
“This is gonna hurt,” she said, then sighed as she conjured a crystal, and dropped it.
The crystal hit the ground with a flash of light, and when it cleared, SG1 and the other slaves in their chain found themselves in front of the stargate.
Jack caught Kaylee as her knees buckled. A twist of her wrist produced a second crystal, which cracked and inside was a GDO. Then she fainted.
“Excellent. Sam, dial,” Jack ordered. “Daniel, Teal’c, see if you can explain to these people they need to go through the gate before we find out if those slavers left anyone behind.”
Carrying someone is awkward enough, but when tied together with chains its all the harder. Jack managed, and as soon as the gate kawoosh had faded, Jack sent the code and led everyone through.
“Welcome back, SG1,” came the familiar boom of General Hammond’s voice. “Is Kaylee alright?”
“Just wiped herself out saving the lot of us from slavery,” Jack joked as the chains of the newly arrived prisoners clanked against the gangway. “Same old same old.”
They were almost back to the gate when Kaylee caught Jack’s signal to drop back beside him.
“We’ve been here all day and, sure, there wasn’t anything to see, but my scientists are moping like the commissary ran out of coffee. What is going on?”
“To come on this mission, Daniel had to hand over a translation job on an Ancient temple, which there is no way he will get near again. His subordinates are looking for more recognition.”
“Jerks. And Sam?”
“She had to hand over a brand new doohickey, hardly looked at, to Area 51.”
“Oh for crying out loud.” As the gate came into view, he sped up to come abreast of the rest of his teammates.
“Daniel, dial us home,” Jack ordered. “And everyone, team night at my house. Come over as soon as Fraiser releases you.”
“Pizza and beer?” Kaylee laughed. “Is that your answer to everything?”
“And cake,” Jack corrected. “Lots of cake.” He caught the sour expression on Sam’s face. “Lots of chocolate cake.”
“…and if we solve this equation we get 3.14159,” Sam explained.
“Pi,” Daniel chimed in.
“Exactly.” Sam prepared to continue, but along with everyone else spotted Jack’s expression perk up. Kaylee snickered softly. She knew exactly what had drawn him out of his doodling daze.
“So, we think this whole temple is intended to open communication channels through common subjects. It’s not as complex at the system we discovered on … the planet where we found Ernest Littlefield, but it would be best to have a more experienced scientist work with a linguist on this translation.”
“Excellent, Major,” said General George Hammond. “Is there anything else?” Everyone shook their heads. “Then dismissed.”
“Pie anyone?” Jack asked, eyeing his team as he stood.
“Beggars can’t be choosers, Jack,” Jacob commented in that supercilious tone of his. It drove Kaylee to distraction.
“Just like Jack, begging for life, couldn’t chose to control his own body when Cannan decided to run off with it?” she snapped at him.
Jack shuddered and Jacob frowned. Neither man liked being reminded of that particular incident.
“I like you, Jacob, I really do. I like Selmak too. But if you two don’t get that stick out of your collective ass, we might as well kiss the rest of ours goodbye now. Tok’ra politics don’t dictate when they’re going to get us all killed.” And with that she turned and stalked out of the room.
Jack was using a cane this week. The last mission through the gate had just been too rough on his knees. Every time Kaylee saw him hobbling around the base, she winced.
She wanted to help, desperately. Such a man should not be forced out of his chosen field by something so minor. But her potions either lacked the correct ingredients or else his muggle body didn’t process them right. And she knew no spells to correct long term soft tissue damage. If she could get ahold of Severus then maybe she could do something, but that was not possible during the time dilation that occurred while she walked the Lady’s path.
And it ripped her heart in twain.
Prompt: Domestic Violence
“We are supposed to help people,” Daniel asserted.
“No, Daniel. We are supposed to go out and find technologies which will help defend Earth from the Goa’uld and occasionally analyze situations for cultural and historical significance,” Jack snapped. “We are not supposed to go breaking into people’s houses because we hear screams that the locals are ignoring.”
“It’s never right to ignore domestic abuse,” Daniel snarled, and from everyone else’s expression they agreed.
“The problem is when local customs get us sent to jail for interfering,” Kaylee said with a soft sigh, hopefully heading off the impending argument. “Are all your missions like this?” Teal’c’s serious nod was seriously disturbing.
“…and endangered the life of millions,” Kinsey continued to rant.
Kaylee wanted to as if he was always this much of an asshole, but even as an ambassador that would have gone over poorly. Besides, the expressions on everyone’s faces made it pretty clear this was the same old same old, and no less irritating for that.
How could this idiot tear into them for doing their jobs?
“Pardon me, Senator,” she intruded, earning a glare. “I’m Sesquelearus Estus’t’estus. I don’t believe we’ve met before. However, I am confused. If you had not given the order that shut down the gate, SG1 would not have had to break out to complete the mission which has just saved the world. In what sense are they at fault?”
The old man went positively puce. She’d never before been so tempted to experiment with Vader’s force choke. Could she pull it off in such a manner that no one would catch anything on the autopsy?
“He was so excited to be up there on the diving board, and then he does a massive belly flop,” Jack said, his lips in a smile and tears in his eyes. He was more than a little drunk, but it was the easiest way to get him to face the memories of his son.
The rest of SG1 was sitting in his living room in various states of inebriation themselves (ie Daniel was plastered on his first beer, Sam was slightly buzzed, Teal’c was drinking orange juice, and Kaylee was matching Jack beer for beer without showing it.)
“What is this belly flop?” Teal’c asked.
“It’s where you hit the water with your stomach,” Sam began. “Hitting the surface of the water with a large area instead of a small one such as the tips of your fingers when diving…”
Kaylee cut off her lecture. “The surface tension hits back and it bloody well hurts,” she says from experience. Bloody cousins.
“I’m surprised you know such a term,” Sam commented.
“I went to school in England. Wizards or not, kids are kids,” Kaylee said with a shrug.
Prompt: The Once and Future King, Character: Married
“I just want to make a difference,” Richard said, fiddling with the ring on its chain about his neck. “To see the world become a better place.”
“’When people reach perfection they vanish, you know,’” Mael quoted.
“I seek improvement, not perfection,” Richard said. Then he turned pointing a finger at his companion. “And don’t you quote that piece of crap at me. T H Whit couldn’t find his arse with both hands and a map.”
Prompt: Leather, Character: The Youngest, Action: Drool
“See, Robyn likes them,” Jack said.
Yvette just laughed. “Robyn is drooling because she is six months old, not because you are wearing leather pants so tight it must have taken a cantrip to get into them.”
“I guess I’ll go elsewhere for an opinion,” he said haughtily.
“One would think that after sixty years a man would no longer require regular hormonal responses from teenage girls to function.”
“Oh, now where would be the fun in that?”
Prompt: Cow, Character: Drunkard
Yvette was buffeted by yet another drunkard big enough to pass for a cow, too out of it to even notice he’d rammed into her slight self. What had she been thinking looking for company in this hell hole?
She took one more look around her, considering the caliber of company available. Midwest cowhunk, smelling of the wares, the lot of them. Screw this. If she left now she might have enough evening left to catch a movie with Jack before they fell asleep. She wasn’t that desperate for a tumble.
Jack came into the media room and flopped bonelessly in one of the chairs. It was a pose designed to attract female attention, which he took without thought though he wasn’t looking for any attention right now.
“In my experience,” began a Russian accented voice, “a position that artless takes much practice.”
Jack raised his head and spotted a young man in another chair - Sergei? - one of the St John’s survivors.
“Years,” he agreed. “But well worth the effort.”
“If you are interested in attracting young women,” countered the young man.
“What man isn’t interested in attracting women, or at least other men?”
“One who has already found someone.”
“Ah,” Jack said with a smirk. “Or two if the rumors are true.”
Sergei snorted. “If the rumors are true, you are a very fruitful and irresponsible man.”
“Touché,” Jack acknowledged.
The scent of fresh made pie wafted through the main building, trickling up the stairs from the basement kitchen.
Yvette was first to arrive, her pregnancy cravings triggered by the rich scent of baked apples.
Nimue arrived next, drawn in by the fond memories of childhood evoked by fresh baked pastry.
Scruff followed her nose, drawn always to the best sources of food.
Ree, Belle, and Sergei came straight down as soon as they passed the front door. The smell of sugared fruit made a lovely counterpoint to the potions their noses had been immersed in all day.
Fredrick craved snacks after a long day on the net, and the wafting scents quickly attracted his stomach.
Jack was the first teacher to arrive, or at least the first adult, smacking his lips at the memories of pies past from his youth at Idyllwild.
Mael Muire was right on his tail, her red hair a glowing match to the juices bubbling from the crust of the cherry pie.
Richard was the last to arrive, eyeing with delight to collection of students and staff, all drawn together for love of good pie. He had to remember to give the cook a bonus.
Prompt: Jane Austen
“So, Scruff, how are you settling in?” Richard asked around a mouthful of rhubarb pie.
“’I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal,’” was the young woman’s response around a slice of the berry medley pie.
Belle snorted. “Jane Austen? I wouldn’t have taken you for the sort.” She was sharing a slice of rhubarb with Sergei, trying to convince him the southern treat was best.
“Nothing wrong with knowing Austen,” Ree commented, savoring the berry medley, especially since black raspberries were impossible to find out west. “Though, since I agree with Twain, I prefer limit myself to internet quotes.”
“’To me Edgar Allan Poe’s prose is unreadable--like Jane Austin's. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible,’” Scruff replied, grinning.
“I prefer ‘Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.’” Ree said, smirking at Mael.
“I’ll keep the library complete, Austen, Twain, and all, no matter how you quote,” Mael Muire said.
“Jack, you’re drooling,” Yvette commented.
“Have you ever had Martha’s pies before?” he countered, his eyes glassy as he sniffed the rich scent of fresh pies.
“The school cook,” Richard said. “Good to know you are capable of drooling over something other than girls, Jack.”
“I drool over things other than girls,” Jack replied indignantly. “Why recently there was that pitcher for the Angels. Lovely ass.”
Everyone laughed, except Mael, who let out an indignant snort.
“Ah, Mael love, you’re just jealous ‘cause I dated your sister,” Jack teased.
“Ha, my identical twin sister, you jackenape,” she snapped, planting an elbow in his ribs.
“Gently, Mael,” Richard cautioned. “I’m sure Yvette would prefer him in one piece.”
“Nah. Just give me his wallet and hide the body so I can wipe out his accounts before anyone realizes he’s dead,” Yvette said with a teasing smile.
“Nah, just make him kiss her,” said Jess, coming down the stairs. “She told me once that her real problem with him was he mistook her for her sister once, and she got one really grand kiss before Mary about broke his head for cheating on her. So she never got another chance.”
Prompt: Ford, Character: Archeologist, Action: Knot
Jack leaned in like he was going to proffer the suggested kiss, but Mael quickly ducked him.
“Not even if you were Indiana Jones,” she said flatly.
“The character played by Harrison Ford?” Jack asked quizzically.
“I think she’s more interested in the adventurous archeologist part,” Jess said.
”Ah, what better crush for the part time archeologist,” Jack said, smirking.
Everyone else watched the interplay with amusement, especially given the sour glares Mael was giving her friend Jess. However, the interplay ensured that no one noticed Scruff slinking low and tying the teachers’ shoe laces together. Well, except for Richard. He was barefoot.
Yvette feared she would be ostracized once the fact that she was pregnant came out. She’d had so much fun making friends when school began that the fear began to seriously paralyze her, no matter how encouraging Jack was.
Then came the truth or dare game and it all came out for just the wrong question, the truth, her fears, everything but the baby’s father (that wasn’t anyone’s business).
And no one cared. Or rather, they were supportive and open. Some offered to baby-sit. Everyone wanted details when she got back from the doctor’s. There were betting pools about the name, the date, the sex, and it was all wonderful.
As she sat in the kitchen eating pie, surrounded by fellow students and several teachers, she wondered at how she could ever have been afraid.
Ree was sorting through the pies, deciding if she wanted another piece. They’d made a respectable dent, but there would still be enough to serve for dinner tonight, and maybe even some to stick in the fridge for snacks. They might last the weekend … maybe.
Then she spotted one pan that made a quizzical look cross her face.
“Richard, why does the cook have a square pie pan?” she asked, looking over at the school headmaster.
“Really, dear, your father is a physicist. You should know that one,” he said in a teasing tone. She only shook her head, looking confused. “Because pie are squared.”
She looked confused, then manipulated the words in her head for a moment, and broke out laughing. You could tell who had been raised with a good tech basis by who else joined in and by who looked utterly confused. It was several minutes before they regained control of themselves enough to explain.
Prompt: Rainforest, Character: Knight, Action: Devastate
“Richard,” was Chester’s delighted cry when he opened the front door. It brought Caroline running.
“Uncle Richard, my knight in shinning armor,” she cried, wrapping her arms around him before he’d even made it through the doorway.
“If he’s your knight, what am I?” Chester asked, sounding devastated.
“My wicked uncle who never lets me do anything,” she replied promptly.
The two older men eyed the eyebrow ring she’d gotten only the week before, the five studs in each ear, the tattoo prominent on her shoulder, and said together, “Nothing?”
“Of course,” she explained. “That’s how it works. A stepmother is a wicked woman who locks her stepdaughter away or works her endlessly. An uncle must be wicked and repress his niece horribly while keeping her far from her true love. In either case, the girl will be rescued by a knight. So when are you going to take me away?”
“When the rainforests grow back overnight,” Richard said, prying her arms free and pushing her towards the dinning room.
“Oh, so after Uncle Chester finishes his project. I can live with that,” she said and scampered off to set the table.
“No,” Chester said sternly.
“Oh come on, Uncle Chester. I’m almost fifteen,” Caroline complained.
“And about to start college,” Chester agreed, “but that doesn’t mean I’m letting you get skin tight leather pants.”
“You let me pierce my eyebrow and get tattoos but you won’t let me buy a pair of pants?”
“I have enough trouble with the grunts at the base as it is. I’ve already had to shanghi Richard into helping me discuss you with them. I’m not adding those to the mix. You can buy what you want when you are eighteen, but I have to put down my foot somewhere until then.”
“Uncle Chester,” she whined.
“I have to play it like your father would have once in a while.”
“Uncle Richard would let me.”
“Hell no. Allison maybe, but Richard knows young males far too well to want you in anything but sweaters and snow pants for another twenty years.”
Prompt: Brier, Character: Owner, Action: Ogle
Uncle Chester had given her a disapproving frown when she arrived in his lab that day dressed in a skimpy tank top and rather short shorts. Given the ogling she had endured on the way through security, she didn’t blame him any more. She wasn’t going to try this again.
However, it was on the way out that things got bad. She was walking past the motor pool towards the front gate when someone hailed her from inside a rather impressive red mustang convertible.
“Hello there, pretty lady,” the car’s owner called. “You look like you could use a lift. The Rose and I’d be happy to oblige you.”
“It’d be more like falling into a briar patch, I fear,” she called back lightly, continuing to walk away.
“Awww, come on love,” he said, pulling the car up beside her and pacing her. “We don’t mean any harm.”
“I’m fourteen,” she said bluntly. “And perhaps you know my uncles, Richard and Chester Fields?”
The idiot blanched. “Good day, miss,” he said formally and drove off. Caroline smirked and shared a laugh with the gate guard.
“Hey, Caroline,” said George.
“Good afternoon, George,” Caroline said, offering him her security badge.
“I really hate to do this,” he said apologetically, “but we have a new XO in security and he wants to make inspection on certain types of badges.”
“And I’m one of them,” she said, resigned. “Just do me a fav? Call Uncle Chester too.”
“Done. Backup is always good,” he said with a wink as he picked up his phone.
The new XO showed up quickly, scanned her badge to check her clearance, and scowled at her. “This doesn’t even look like you,” he snapped. “Why would the military be hiring a teenager.”
“Because she’s a genius,” came Chester’s voice from down the hallway. “And she’s had security clearance at this base since she was three months old.”
“Her mother was a stubborn woman.”
“I don’t know how you pulled the wool over the eyes of my predecessor, but you are not going to trick me.”
“It’s all there, in black and white. But if you are going to be like that, I’ll just go over your head,” Chester said with a sigh. “Lieutenant, please call the General and ask him to come up.”
“Belay that order, airman,” the executive security officer said, actually yanking the phone out of poor George’s hand.
“Really, sir, there’s no reason to go bullying you staff as well as the civilians,” Chester chided, quite expecting the burst of furious yelling that followed. The officer called into question Chester’s manhood, his parentage, and only barely stopped short of calling his niece a whore. That she was a camp follower was merely implied.
However, what the XO had missed, and Chester hadn’t, was a distinctive triple beat walking pattern echoing up the hallway. The general was already on his way.
“Colonel Matthews, why are you bullying my best scientists?” called General Westford calmly.
The colonel turned to find the general behind him, his feet firmly planted and leaning only slightly on his cane. Everyone knew the general was a true warrior who had been given a desk job when his leg was injured. However, what those who had been around the base long also knew was that the general had a huge soft spot for Caroline Fields.
“I was simply questioning the accuracy of Miss Fields’ security information, sir. I wasn’t aware of any teenagers on the pay roll.”
“Miss Fields, while not yet on the payroll, is a vital contributor to this project.” General Westford began kindly, but his voice became quite cold. “And concerns about her security clearance do not permit you to deride her uncle or insult her.”
“Sir!” Colonel Matthews protested.
“I know, I wasn’t meant to hear that. Too bad for you, I did. I expect you in my office in one hour with two written and signed apologies and we will then discuss whether you will be staying on at this base. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir!” The salute was picture perfect.
Player's Choice, Yellow, Prompt: Briar
“I do apologize for that idiot,” General Westford said honestly. “Unfortunately, some idiots are still slick enough to make it through most of the briar patch without getting tangled.”
“It’s alright, General,” Caroline assured him. “I’m amused more than anything else.”
“I bet you are, lass,” he said and patted her on the tattooed shoulder.
“Thank you for the rescue,” Chester chimed in.
“My pleasure. I left word to be contacted if something like this came up. I’m just sorry it took so long to reach you. Now I’m sure you have work to do, so off with you while I get back to my paperwork.”
Caroline gave him a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye to George before claiming her Uncle’s arm for the long walk back to his lab. The General’s distinctive triple step went sauntering off towards his office.
Prompt: Chocolate, Character: Patisserie, Action: Marvel
Caroline was in the commissary, drooling over the incredible new selection of pastries, when she heard the unique triple beat of General Westford’s walk approaching.
She whirled to face him and asked, “You got a new pastry chef, sir?”
“I’ve been hunting for one with the right security clearances for a bit,” he admitted, marveling over her shoulder at the chef’s creations. “I know how much you like the chocolate goodies from the patisserie in town.”
“Just for me?” she asked with false modesty, her eyes dancing with delight.
“And for me, Caroline,” he teased, choosing a slice of a rich chocolate tart. “Rank should come with a few privileges, even buried under this mountain, don’t you think?”
Caroline stared at the sheet of calculations before her, then at her calculator, and back.
“This can’t be right … Uncle Chester?” she called across the lab.
“Yes, Caroline?” he asked, coming over to the desk she had long ago claimed as her own.
“This can’t be right,” she said, pointing at the calculator. “I solved this equation of yours, and got 3.14159.”
“Pi?” he said quizzically, running his eyes over the sheet where she had been working through the equation.
“That’s wonderful!” he exclaimed, wrapping his arms about her shoulders in an awkward hug.
“It doesn’t make sense. How can it be wonderful?”
“Because you’ve proved that the wave form generated expands in a circle.”
“We knew that from the experiments.”
“Yes, but now we proved it mathematically. I can’t wait to present this at the next meeting. The general has been an absolute bear about wanting proof of the expansion pattern on a larger scale.”
Caroline laughed. “Glad I could help.”
“You’re acting like an expectant mother,” Caroline said.
“What?” Chester said, turning from the desk he was tidying to face his niece.
“You’re nesting,” she replied.
“I am not!” he protested. “I’m fidgeting.”
“Project test flight is going on, you’ve no control but plenty of nerves, so you’re cleaning the entire lab. You cleaned the house yesterday. You’re nesting.”
Chester snorted, but stilled his movements.
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